The Sad Truth Behind Heartbreak

This isn't a 'gluten free post' by any stretch of the word. I feel sometimes we all need a vent, whether that is frustration, anger, hurt or disappointment. This post is my vent so apologies for there not being any gluten free content in it at all (apart from the comfort eating...)!

Heartache for me is the feeling of being lonely, the feeling of not having that person there to rely on, not being able to text them if something funny came on the TV, or you just wanted a hug. 

The sad truth behind heartbreak is that you don't actually know how to deal with it...until it happens to you. Everyone is different. Some people cry, some people are angry, some shut themselves away and close down and some, like me try to push things to one side, be terribly British and 'just get on with it'. 

I have tried for weeks to pretend that 'everything is fine' and that proclaim that 'I'm fine, of course I will talk to you if I'm not'. Truth of the matter is I'm not. I'm very far from fine. The first night I cried all night, convinced myself I wasn't going to be able to carry on, and looked like a mix between a frog and death the next morning. 

Then something in my head just switched and the barriers went up. Probably for self protection. 

I have just moved in to my own flat...just me. I feel my world has been turned upside down...and as much as I like my own space it's just not the same. 

I tried to block things out, mainly by keeping myself busy, drinking one too many glasses of red wine on a week night,  or eating my weight in Udi's gluten free tortilla chips. 

It's really hard to be 'single' after nearly 4 years of being with the same person. The person you have multiple memories with, your best friend, the one you thought you'd end up marrying and having kids with. 

Turned out that it wasn't meant to be and the idea most women have of getting engaged and married has been put on hold for the foreseeable future. your mind starts racing 'I'm 26 what the hell am I going to do now?' In my mind you had to be with someone for a decent amount of years for them to want to get down on one knee. It's not wrong to want that right? Most girls want their fairytale wedding they have been dreaming about and practising (well I have) since the age of 6. 

Life does go on...you just have to adapt to the new path life has thrown at you. 

We all have regrets about things we should have done or said...and we beat ourselves up over them from time to time. 

I just wish I was there to listen with open ears rather than tarnishing with my own opinions or beliefs. 

Heart ache is shit.

 There is no other way to put it...it truly is shit and I don't know how to deal with it. The way I am dealing with it isn't right, and I need to fix up, I just don't know how to deal with this sense of loss, that I haven't felt since my granddad died. 

If anyone has any tips on what makes it better, please drop me a line and let me know! 

:( T x